Sunday, August 9, 2009

The Neurotic Writer's Last Date with the Computer Geek

Welcome to another episode of
The Neurotic Writer
(Just for laughs)

Therapist: “I have to admit, last week when we spoke about your first date with the computer analyst I didn’t know what a blog was. This week, I did my own research. Now that I know Twitter is another social networking site like Facebook and Myspace, I am prepared for our discussion.”

Suzie Writer: “Well, I wish I had known it was a social networking site. After he improved my blog and said he was going to tweak my Twitter and make it sing, I thought it was a metaphor for his ability in bed.”

Therapist: “I gather it didn’t go well.”

Suzie Writer: “Of all the wonderful, brilliant men in the world, I had to pick the wrong one. (Grimaces) Let’s just say, when you talk dirty with a computer geek, make sure you know how to convert the standard units of measure in his language into inches before you end up in an embarrassing situation. I'm sure I sighed with disappointment at the wrong moment. I was expecting the top of the line, fully equiped desktop version of geek and ended up unwrapping the mini notebook instead.”

Therapist: “I’m afraid to ask what you did at that particular moment.”

Suzie Writer: “Well, it was too late to pack him up and ask for the new and improved model, so I tried to work with the product I was given.”

Therapist: “How did that go?”

Suzie Writer: “I think we both know size wouldn’t have mattered, if he had known what to do with his hard drive. Unfortunately, it was a complete systems failure that left me feeling as if I needed one of those Computers for Dummies books. He couldn't find my ON switch. I lost interest in his.”

Therapist: (Studies Suzie’s face for a moment.) “If it was such a disappointment, why are you smiling? I even think you’re glowing.”

Suzie Writer: “Turns out Mr. Brilliant lives next door to Mr. Hunky Biker Dude. This fine specimen of muscle on top of muscle once did time, but he’s changed his ways and now helps save troubled kids at the community center.”

Therapist: “You might want to proceed with caution if he did time.”

Suzie Writer: “Too late. Ever been on the back of a Harley with a biker between your legs, Doc? That’s a whole lot of power between your thighs. (Shudders) The motorcycle wasn’t too bad either.”

Therapist: “I assume he will be the hero of your next novel.”

Suzie Writer: “Life is research. Every man ends up in one of my books. The question becomes, will be the hero, the best friend, the villain or the comic relief?”

Until next week,
Happy Writing!
Tina LaVon


Mary Marvella said...

Romance by computer! Sometimes a computer greek is more or less than just a geek!

Kathryne Kennedy said...

So funny, Tina! You always bring a smile to my day. Thanks a million!

Tina LaVon said...

I aim to please.

Alexis Walker said...

Great cyber speak, Tina! Very clever. I think the Neurotic Writer only has one thing on her mind. Hmmm, I wonder what that could be? I'm guessing she's looking for more than a crusie on a motorcycle :-)