Sunday, April 5, 2009

The Neurotic Writer Becomes a Fortuneteller



Welcome to another episode of
The Neurotic Writer
(Just for laughs)



Suzie Writer enters the office wearing a mauve-colored, floral peasant top with a matching skirt. A collection of heavy, gold necklaces hang at various lengths. Large hoop earrings pull at her lobes.

Therapist: “I see you’re no longer playing Zelda, Queen of the Other Realm. Who are you today, Suzie? Yelda, Queen of the Gypsies?” She quickly places her fingers over her lips, obviously regretting the slip of sarcasm.

Suzie Writer: “Close. Lady Mystic Millicent. My heroine in my paranormal novel, the one dating the werewolf, is a fortuneteller.”

Therapist: “So, you’re getting into character again?”

Suzie Writer: “Correct. I’m also doing research.”

Therapist: “Let me guess. You’re learning to read palms on the Internet and practicing on the werewolf you’re dating. Does his hairy palm pose a problem?”

Suzie Writer: “Been there, done that. It was too cliché. I needed a twist for my novel. Instead of reading palms, I read eyes.”

Therapist: “What?”

Suzie Writer: “I read eyes. I even hung a sign outside my door. I had my first client this morning. I’ll show you. Lean close.” She gazes into the therapist’s ocean-blue eyes. “In a past life you liked to swim. You tried to swim the English Channel and drowned. They never found your body. But don’t worry. In this life you have a guardian angel who keeps you from drowning in the English Channel again.”

Therapist: “What?! You can’t read eyes. I’ve never had any reason to go near the Channel.”

Suzie Writer: “See. He’s already doing his job. Besides, I never said I could really read eyes. I said I hung out a sign that said I could.”

Therapist: “You’re deceiving people.”

Suzie Writer: “I’m listening to them tell me their problems and then giving them a shred of hope for the future. Isn’t that what you do, doc?” She winks and then stands. “I’ll bring you a signed copy of my book when it’s released.”



Have a great week,
Tina LaVon and
The Neurotic Writer

4 comments:

Donna Del Grosso said...

Tina!
Another Funny, Imaginative and-dare I say someimes-Wisecracking blog. I liked it!

Donna Hatch said...

Oh, that's rich! I'm totally neurotic, too. I haven't gone around in regency clothing telling people they are 'excessively diverting,' but once when I had to take a break from my then current work in progress, The Guise of a Gentleman, to proof read my galleys for The Stranger She Married, and the hero of Guise literally haunted me in my sleep. He was upset that I was paying too much attention to his brother (the hero of Stranger) and not enough to him. Of course, dreaming of gorgeous Regency men who want me isn't a bad thing...

Kim Watters said...

Egads woman. Stop following me around! :)

Tina LaVon said...

Thanks for the comments, ladies.
Donna, that is funny. Didn't you meet your husband through his brother? I wonder if there is a tie in to your dream there.