Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Neurotic Writer Dates a Werewolf

Welcome to another episode of
The Neurotic Writer
(Just for laughs)

Suzie Writer: “Doc! Doc!” (Shuts the office door and rushes to the oversized, stuffed chair.) “You are not going to believe it! I am dating an actual, real-life werewolf! Isn’t that great?”

Therapist: “A what?”

Suzie Writer: “A werewolf! Isn’t that great? Now I can research my paranormal hero with a real man. I don’t have to make up the character. He’s sitting in my living room where I left him. He thinks I’m in the shower, but I really snuck out the window.”

Therapist: “Suzie, take a deep breath. Now tell me why you think he’s a werewolf and where did you meet him?”

Suzie Writer: “He’s my best friend’s nephew’s step-brother’s second-cousin’s pizza delivery man. My friend, Shirley, said he is the hairiest guy she’d ever met. So hairy, it wasn’t natural. That’s when I figured out he could be a werewolf. I ordered a Meat-Lovers Surprise, then waited for him to show up and asked him out.”

Therapist: “Just like that?”

Suzie Writer: “Jut like that. It’s research. I can even claim the dinner on my taxes. He was wearing those earth sandals, and I tell you, even his toes are super hairy.”

Therapist: “All right… So, why do you think he’s a werewolf, other than needing a razor?”

Suzie Writer: “Well, he told the waiter he wanted a steak so rare it mooed when you stabbed it with a fork. The waiter said it would be illegal to serve anything that rare. He got a cheeseburger and onion rings instead. Also, I knew it was a full moon, so I kept my bedroom curtains open to see his reaction.”

Therapist: “Your bedroom curtains?”

Suzie Writer: “Research, Doc, research. You know that man actually howled?”

Therapist: “I bet he did. Being that it was a first date and you were a stranger before he brought the pizza. He’s probably wondering how he got so lucky. But do you really think it’s wise to take your research to such extremes? After all, all you know about this man is he’s a hairy guy who likes meat.”

Suzie Writer: “I’m willing to suffer for my craft. Besides, I haven’t told you the best part. I know for certain he’s a werewolf. No doubt in my mind. Want to know how I know?”

Therapist: “Of course.”

Suzie Writer: “I whipped out my gun and silver bullets from my nightstand and he was so scared, I thought he was going to pee his boxers.”

Therapist: “Don’t you think any man would be scared to death if a woman whipped out any type of weapon, especially if he only met her that day?”

Suzie Writer: (Checks her watch) “Time’s up. I better rush back and check his hands for claws. Bye, doc!”

Next week The Neurotic Writer gets a part-time job telling fortunes.
Until then,
Happy Writing,
Tina LaVon


lizdwriter said...

I loved it, it left me wanting for more... I could hardly read it, though, it's hard when you're laughing so hard, that tears blur your vision...

Anonymous said...

Sounds like he needs some Nair. :) Do they still make that stuff? Another wonderful post. Thanks for the laughs, Tina.

Carol Webb said...

LOL, Tina. Remind me never to go near Suzie when she's packing her gun. She sounds like she can be one dangerous lady!

Tina LaVon said...

Thanks for posting, ladies.
I absolutely love this character. She is so out there I can do whatever I want with her. How fun it that!

Vijaya Schartz said...

Hilarious, Tina.
Can't wait to read the next one.