Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Neurotic Writer Volunteers at Daycare

The Neurotic Writer Volunteers at Daycare

Suzie Writer: (Slumps into chair) “Oh my! Oh my! Oh my!”

Therapist: “What’s wrong?”

Suzie Writer: “Do you have children?”

Therapist: “Not yet.”

Suzie Writer: “Well, don’t! Those ankle biters are sent here
from an alien planet to drive us insane.”

Therapist: (Smiling) “What happened?”

Suzie Writer: “I decided, I take that back, I thought for
one crazy moment that I would write about a widowed sheriff
raising his adorable twin toddlers.”

Therapist: “Let me guess, you decided to research toddlers.”

Suzie Writer: “I volunteered at a daycare center. It was
the craziest thing I’ve ever done. Did you know those
creatures suck on their cookies and then try to shove them
in your mouth?”

Therapist: “They are trying to share.”

Suzie Writer: “Their communicable diseases! And did you know
they crawl onto your lap and drool all over your Gucci dry-clean-only!
And then those squirmy midgets dump what smells like cow manure
into their Pull-Ups and expect you to do something about it. They
stand there crying, holding their pudgy arms into the air, expecting
you to pick them up. Can you believe it?”

Therapist: “Well, yes. They are still basically babies needing our
help. So, I gather you won’t be writing about a sheriff with twin

Suzie Writer: “I have to. Babies sell. But I’m going to write about a
sheriff with genius toddlers who can fend for themselves. They
change their own Pull-Ups and even clean the oil stains off the
garage floor with their pacifiers.”


Donna Caubarreaux said...

Only an insane person would volunteer at a day care center. Especially toddlers.

Yet everyone wants the baby experience. No one wants to adopt the older child.

I could stand to be adopted. Having a mother figure to feed me three square meals a day, clean sheets on the bed. But at my age, I'd most likely be older than her.

Alas...there is always a kink in the plan.

catslady said...

roflmao - thanks for the laugh!!

Tina said...

catslady, you are welcome.
Donna, I still want to be adopted by a rich couple. :)

Thanks for posting ladies.

Anonymous said...

I'm with Donna. Someone adopt me. :) Working with kids is one thing I could never do. That's why I'm an accountant and a writer. Two solitary fields. Thanks for the laugh.

Mary Marvella said...

I'd settle for a younger person to adopt me and tend to this old lady. I always need a keeper.

Great blog, Tina. I like toddlers one at a time.