Sunday, February 6, 2011

The Neurotic Writer Becomes an Agent

The Neurotic Writer Becomes an Agent

(Just For Fun)

Therapist: “Good morning, Suzie. How are you today?”

Suzie Writer: (Plops down on a chair) “Awesome! I had the best idea ever! I am going to become an agent.”

Therapist: “And give up writing? What brought this on?”

Suzie Writer: “I just received my 400th rejection. After screaming, yelling, drinking a bottle of cheap wine, and eating a whole box of Ding Dongs, I decided I want the power to say yes or no to writers. And I’ll say yes to everyone!”

Therapist: “Everyone!”

Suzie Writer: “Yep everyone! Since I obviously know what the big publishers don’t want, by the process of elimination I can figure out what they do want. And….if I can’t sell a book to the big boys, I can sell it to my Cousin Martha’s new ebook publishing company. She’s jumping on that bandwagon.”

Therapist: “I thought Martha was a school bus driver.”

Suzie Writer: “She is, but she knows how to use the Internet. She’s been sending emails for years.”

Therapist: “You’re serious about this?”

Suzie Writer: “Of course I am. I have bills to pay. Which reminds me, I am going to use the airline’s brilliant idea of nickel and diming everyone. I am going to charge my clients a dollar per email – each way. Plus, $50 for copying each book two times, additional copies will cost another $50. I will also charge $100 for each editor I query on their behalf. I’ll have my electricity back on in no time.”

Therapist: “I thought your writing friends warned against agents who charge fees.”

Suzie Writer: “They do, but not all writers are members of Romance Writers of America and know they can get reputable agents who don’t charge fees.”

Therapist: “So you’re going to take advantage of unsuspecting writers?”

Suzie Writer: “Well….if you put that way I guess this wasn’t such a good idea after all.”

Therapist: “You can still become an agent; just learn how to do it well.”

Suzie Writer: “I said I wanted to make money. I guess I’ll go back to writing books. I wonder if Nora Roberts needs a new critique partner.”


Kim Watters said...

:) Although funny, this article brings up a good point that you should never pay an agent to represent your book. Can't waitto see what Suzie want's to be next time. Another wonderful post Tina.

Tina LaVon said...

Thanks, Kim.
Hope to see you soon.