Sunday, February 22, 2009

The Neurotic Writer and Time Management

Therapist: “Have a seat. Anything particular you want to discuss today?”

Suzie Writer: “I need to work on my time management. This is becoming a huge problem. I find I spend way too many hours on the computer messing around on anything and everything, but my writing. For example, I spent all day Thursday searching for the perfect picture of my next hero. I can’t believe what they put on the Internet these days. I think my seventh grade chemistry teacher is on a site called Science Studs. He’s holding a beaker in front―”

Therapist: “Let’s get to that time management issue.”

Suzie Writer: “Right. I decided I’m going to make myself work on my book every day no matter what. I will suffer for my art! The book comes first! I’ll unplug the TV, shove my cell phone under the pillow, and tape a Don’t Even Think of Knocking sign on my front door. I am committed to following my plan. I’m going to be a monk – no, one of those cute nuns who is devoted to her work. Sort of like Sally Field in The Flying Nun. Only without the wires dragging me through the air.”

Therapist: “Commitment is the first step to changing old patterns. This is a good start. Have you created a written plan?”

Suzie Writer: “Of course. You know me. I have my schedule all mapped out. I will eat exactly one cup of cereal with exactly a half-cup of milk at 7AM, edit my past chapter at 7:30, and begin the new chapter at 9:00. I know I need to keep the oxygen pumped into my brain cells, so I worked in 30 minutes of exercise. The VHS tape is normally an hour long, but I’m fast-forwarding Richard Simmons and jumping double-time. You know, that man needs to rethink those shorts, especially when they’re flapping at highway speeds. Anyway, after my workout, I’ll need a chocolate pick-me-up snack. At 10:00, I’ll check the mail. Then at 10:30, I’ll work on that chapter again. At 12:00, I’ll microwave lunch and eat another chocolate pick-me-up snack while I wait. Microwaves are so slow. While I eat, I’ll read books in my genre – gotta stay on top of the market. At 2:00, I’ll check my emails. At 3:00, work on my next blog post and at 4:00, I’ll stuff candy into bags for the next conference. After dinner and another chocolate pick-me-up, the evening is mine to relax or comb the Internet for more pictures of my next hero. I wonder if my high school math teacher is on Men with Big Calculators.”

Therapist: (smirking) “Sounds impressive. When are you going to put this plan into action?”

Suzie Writer: “Yesterday.”

Therapist: “How did you do?”

Suzie Writer: “I ate at 7:00.”

Next week, I'll post How to Write the Tortured Hero/Heroine.
Happy writing,
Tina LaVon


Lara Lee said...

LMOL!!! That should've come with the warning: Do not drink while reading! Too, too funny. And unfortunately, too, too true. Thanks for the laugh! :D

Tina LaVon said...

I aim to please. LOL

Edie said...

LOL Tina, have you been watching me?

Mary Marvella said...

Tine, no fair. (Mary whining)
Edie stole my line. I soooooo see myself there! One more email, think about exercising, one more blog to read for a friend, think about exercising and starting the next WIP, one more person to book for the group blog one more......

Donna D said...

That's hilarious, Tina and so true. I meant to write yesterday but they were showing Oscar winners on tv all day long!!! Hey, it's once a year, right?

Anonymous said...

Tina, quit peeking over my shoulder! That's me except for the exercise part. Took the kids on a bike ride yesterday. Needed oxygen half way through and I won't even talk about the thighs.

Kelsi said...

So . . . you've left me hanging. This is my problem. How can I fix it?