The Neurotic Writer

Welcome to the first episode of

THE NEUROTIC WRITER.
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Therapist: “Good morning, Suzie. How are we doing today?”

Suzie Writer: “We are not doing well at all. I received another rejection. ‘It’s not for us.’ How are we supposed to know what they want if they won’t tell us?”

Therapist: “Have you asked what they want?”

Suzie Writer: (After 5 minutes of laughing.) “They want ‘a great book,’ but they can’t tell us what that means. It’s a secret they tell their best friends, so they will make The New York Times List and no one else.”

Therapist: “I hear famous writers were often rejected many times before selling.”

Suzie Writer: “That’s the rumor they spread to keep their secret.” (Eyes therapist speculatively) She thinks I’m a bad writer. I can tell by the way she’s taking notes. She thinks I stink. She thinks that editor rejected me because my writing sucks. How dare she? Who does she think she is? Why am I here? She knows nothing about the hell writers go through. She has no idea how many times I’ve sweat over the computer until my fingers bled. She knows nothing about the times I’ve cried for my heroine because of the suffering my muse put her through, or the number of times I started a fight with my ex-husband so I could get the dialogue just right in my story. She doesn’t know what it’s like to dress up in a nurse’s uniform and stalk doctors between changing hospital bedpans so you can get your medical facts straight. I bet she can't even name Nora's top ten selling novels for the month of August. Why I am I paying her to give me advice?

Therapist: “Our time is up. Would you like another piece of chocolate before you go?”

Suzie Writer: “Sure, thanks. See ya next Thursday.”

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