Thursday, October 11, 2007

The Neurotic Writer Commits the Ultimate No-No

Welcome to another episode of THE NEUROTIC WRITER.

Therapist: “How was your week?”

Suzie Writer: “Good and bad. I attended my local conference. I have to admit I was a tad bit disappointed.”

Therapist: “Why is that?”

Suzie Writer: “My favorite editor was there. I rehearsed everything I was going to say to her, including my acceptance speech when she knelt before me and begged to see my manuscript.”

Therapist: “I gather it didn’t happen the way you anticipated?”

Suzie Writer: “Not at all. I followed her into the bathroom, hoping to catch her alone. I waited the appropriate amount of time after she entered the stall; before I slipped my manuscript so delicately under the door, making sure it tapped her leather pumps to capture her attention.”

Therapist: “And…”

Suzie Writer: “She slid it back with a rejection letter sloppily tied to it with toilet paper. Did you know you can make a bow with two-ply?”

Therapist: “How did that make you feel?”

Suzie Writer: “Horrible! My work is better than a form rejection letter. I deserve constructive praise. My characters are well thought-out and my conflict is unbeatable. The story is based on my childhood experiences playing with orphan children in Manhattan. That editor should have cried, and laughed, and screamed.”

Therapist: (Mumble,) “I’m sure she did.” (Cough) “Miss Writer, you do realize she didn’t read your manuscript, don’t you?”

Suzie Writer: “I don’t want to talk about her. Let’s talk about me. The whole weekend was a bust. The only other editor I wanted to see was running in the opposite direction when I spotted her. I didn’t know you could do the hundred yard dash in stilettos.” (Sigh) “Where’s the chocolate?”



Mary Marvella said...

Maybe it was really a nightmare?

I pitched to an agent in a restroom but not while we were in stalls. I walked her back to the appointment room, pitching all the way, after making "nice". I was helping at the time, so I wasn't stalking her. She asked to see a partial. She later rejected it but not on toilet paper.

Mary Marvella

Linda Style said...

Too funny, Tina. I remember my first conference pitch, but it wasn't in a bathroom stall--the ultimate No-No. LOL. And it took more than one pitch at more than one conference to get a ms accepted. :-)

Linda Style

Mandy Leigh B. said...

LOL, I'm not a writer, but this was hilarious!