Sunday, January 16, 2011

The Neurotic Writer's New Year's Resolutions

(Suzie Writer is a character made up for the Much Cheaper Than
Therapy Blog. You can read her humorous -we hope- therapy sessions
in our older posts.)

The Neurotic Writer's New Year's Resolutions
for 2011

1. Lose Weight. Ha Ha Ha Ha! Scratch that.

2. Write at least four books. Unless of course I get caught
up in my research and then I'll only get three done. On the other hand,
I could meet a hunk who inspires me and I could whip out five. Or I
could kiss the wrong guy and catch mono and only finish two. Make that
resolution - Write one to ten books in 2011.

3. Stay out of jail. That is always a good resolution, unless your
heroine is jailbird and then its good research. Note to self - send the
guards chocolates. They were so nice the last time. Also, send that
NFL football team a nasty gram. They didn't have to toss me
in the clink for sneaking into the locker room. It was research.

4. Avoid dating any men who might be real vampires or werewolves.
(See older episodes) In fact, avoid any men who are too pale or have too
much body hair. Or who howl at night. Or have long teeth. Or don't have
reflections. Or sparkle.

5. Avoid eating excess sugar. Unless I write about a pastry chef.
Maybe I should write about a chef; just thinking about eating
less sugar is making me feel weak. Eating less sugar should be a
sin. Up there with the ten commandments. In fact, they should give
chocolate truffles instead of wafers at communion.
More people would attend church. Make that resolution -
Eat more sugar.

6. Stop breaking restraining orders. Always a good policy.
Unless you just really have to talk to that guy one more time to
finish your book. Make that resolution - Don't get caught
breaking restraining orders.

7. Have a fantastic 2011!


Anita Clenney said...

LOL! This might be the best Resolutions list I've seen :)

Tina LaVon said...

I enjoyed writing it!

Wendy_Ely said...

Tina! I looove this :)

Linda Andrews said...

Thanks for the funny!

Tina LaVon said...

Thanks so much, Wendy!

Tina LaVon said...

Thank you, Linda!

Anonymous said...

Hmmm. Remind me not to have Suzie write my resolutions!