Monday, April 28, 2008

The Neurotic Writer and the Aluminum Foil Headband

Therapist: “Good morning, Suzie. How are you today? You look tired.”

Suzie Writer: “I’m exhausted. I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in weeks.”
(Adjusts headband)

Therapist: (Leaning forward to get a better look.) “Suzie, what do you have on your head?”

Suzie Writer: “It’s aluminum foil. That’s why I haven’t been able to sleep. I covered my entire bed in foil as well.”

Therapist: “Okay.” (Afraid to ask, but knows she must.) “Why do you have aluminum foil in your bed and on your head?”

Suzie Writer: “Other writers keep stealing my ideas, and I’m tired of it. I want it to stop!”

Therapist: (Rubbing chin) “And aluminum foil will stop it?”

Suzie Writer: “If it keeps aliens from reading your mind, it should keep all of these NY Times Best Selling Authors from reading my mind.”

Therapist: (Steal rubbing chin. Not sure what to say.) I…

Suzie Writer: “Don’t look at me that way. Every single time I go the bookstore I find books with the same ideas I came up with months ago. Sometimes I dream about a book and the next day, I find it at the bookstore. How can I hit the big time if everyone keeps stealing my ideas?”

Therapist: “These other writers are stealing your thoughts?”

Suzie Writer: “When you come up with an idea or have a dream, it goes out to the universe. The first person to catch it and write the book gets on the NY Times list.”

Therapist: “So, why don’t you write the book before they do?”

Suzie Writer: “Oh. That’s a good idea.” She touches the headband. “I better keep the aluminum foil just in case. Humans don’t write as fast as those writers who dare not be named.”


Kim Watters said...

Now why didn't I think of that!

Laurie Schnebly Campbell said...

This poor therapist -- I'm starting to wonder if she's thinking about getting rid of Suzie!

But I hope she doesn't, because I love reading their sessions. :)

Anonymous said...

I think our poor therapist is writing a case study for a medical journal based on Suzie.

Have you seen Monk?
Now that therapist had his hands full. I was so sad to read that the actor who played him passed away. I enjoyed his character and thought he played him so well.


Carol Webb said...

You are too funny, Tina. Or should I say Suzie!

I'm real sorry to hear about Monk.