The Neurotic Writer and the Aluminum Foil Headband

Therapist: “Good morning, Suzie. How are you today? You look tired.”

Suzie Writer: “I’m exhausted. I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in weeks.”
(Adjusts headband)

Therapist: (Leaning forward to get a better look.) “Suzie, what do you have on your head?”

Suzie Writer: “It’s aluminum foil. That’s why I haven’t been able to sleep. I covered my entire bed in foil as well.”

Therapist: “Okay.” (Afraid to ask, but knows she must.) “Why do you have aluminum foil in your bed and on your head?”

Suzie Writer: “Other writers keep stealing my ideas, and I’m tired of it. I want it to stop!”

Therapist: (Rubbing chin) “And aluminum foil will stop it?”

Suzie Writer: “If it keeps aliens from reading your mind, it should keep all of these NY Times Best Selling Authors from reading my mind.”

Therapist: (Steal rubbing chin. Not sure what to say.) I…

Suzie Writer: “Don’t look at me that way. Every single time I go the bookstore I find books with the same ideas I came up with months ago. Sometimes I dream about a book and the next day, I find it at the bookstore. How can I hit the big time if everyone keeps stealing my ideas?”

Therapist: “These other writers are stealing your thoughts?”

Suzie Writer: “When you come up with an idea or have a dream, it goes out to the universe. The first person to catch it and write the book gets on the NY Times list.”

Therapist: “So, why don’t you write the book before they do?”

Suzie Writer: “Oh. That’s a good idea.” She touches the headband. “I better keep the aluminum foil just in case. Humans don’t write as fast as those writers who dare not be named.”