Monday, November 19, 2007

The Neurotic Writer and The Black Eye

Welcome to another episode of

The Neurotic Writer


Therapist: “Suzie, what happened to your eye?”

Suzie Writer: (Pressing powder over the black and purple bruise.) “It’s nothing really, just another example of me sacrificing for my art.”

Therapist: “Exactly what happened?”

Suzie Writer: “It all started when I took the online class: Submitting to Agents. The instructor said we should appeal to the agent’s likes or interests. For example, if you know the agent likes horses, mention your heroine trains horses.”

Therapist: “What if there is no horse?”

Suzie Writer: (Guffaws) “You rewrite the story, of course.”

Therapist: “Did you fall off a horse? Is that how you got the black eye?”

Suzie Writer: “Of course not. I don’t have time to ride.” (Impatient sigh) “I asked my cousin Howard to look up Agent Studly. It only took thirty minutes for Howard to find his address.”

Therapist: “You what?”

Suzie Writer: “Don’t look so surprised. A good detective can find out anything. By the way, how do you like living in Chandler?”

Therapist: “What? How?”

Suzie Writer: “Focus. We are talking about me. I flew to New York and I followed Studly for a full week. He likes double espressos, club sandwiches, and leggy blondes.”

Therapist: “Stalking someone is not healthy behavior, Suzie. ”

Suzie Writer: “You’re telling me. I got a black eye and I still don’t know if he likes horses. I peaked inside all of his windows, but couldn’t find any collectables of any type. I needed to get inside.”

Therapist: “You didn’t…”

Suzie Writer. “Of course I did. I turned the knob on his back door, and out of nowhere, an overstuffed, smelly, garbage bag hits me in the face. Who knew Studly could swing a bag so hard?”

Therapist: “Suzie, you cannot continue to follow people.”

Suzie Writer: “You’re telling me. According to the restraining order, I can’t step foot in New York for another year. Luckily, Studly’s attending a conference next month, and I’m ready this time. I’m bringing my hockey mask.”



Anonymous said...

Sigh. Tina, are you writing about me again?! I love your articles. Keep them coming.

Jennifer Ashley said...

Tina: You are hilarious! I'll ask my agent if that was his garbage bag. :-)

Kathryne Kennedy said...

I love the Neurotic Writer! Keep up the good work!:}