A Pirate’s Life For Me? NOT!

My husband and I went to see the Pirates of the Caribbean over the weekend. Okay, so we're probably the last people on Earth to see the movie, but that's beside the point. So we went and plopped down a gift card to pay to see it on the big screen. $19.00 plus $6.00 for a bag of popcorn. (We brought our own drinks in from the outside.) Sheesh, no wonder I usually wait until things come out on video. The cinematography and music were awesom e, the special effects pretty cool, Orlando Bloom-be still my beating heart. And let's not forget Captain Jack. Sigh. Something about a pirate……But a love story? No way. For those few of you who may not have seen Pirates and are planning it, you'd better skip this post and scroll down to the questions at the bottom.

I could tell it was written by men before the credits rolled as my jaw hit the nice, comfy seat cushion, that still had my bottom wiggling around uncomfortably 2 hours into the movie. "No!" I scream. "Not Will. No! Not fair." Of course my snickering husband was quick to retort, it was a pirate movie and not a romance. So why did they even have that as a subplot then? Why to bring women into the theatre, of course. And leave us scratching our heads with tears in our eyes. Not Will. How will Elizabeth go on? Who the heck were these writers to write such a drastic, heartless, gut wrenching scene?

So my writer's brain began to churn as I'm sure yours does every time you get a kernel of an idea to work with. I can imagine the conversation in the writing room, or the kitchen, or wherever they plotted out the story line.

"Okay. So who's gonna kill Davy Jones?" Writer 1 says, tapping his fingers across the keyboards.

Writer 2 snaps his fingers. "How about Will Turner?"

"Excellent idea." Writer 1 tries to keep the excitement from his voice.

"But what about Elizabeth? They're in love. The undying happily-ever after kind of love." Writer 1's wife complains. "You can't do this to them."

"Wanna bet?" Writer 2 exclaims with a gleeful look in his eye.

"Davy Jones will stab Will, and right before he dies, Captain Jack will help Will stab Davy Jones' heart and Will will live again and take command of the ship. Done. Oh, but to make it romantic for the ladies you know, Will can come back every ten years and he and Elizabeth can have a little hanky panky on the beach."

"That's romantic enough for me. But let's marry them off first in the fight scene. That ought to satisfy the ladies, too." Writer 2 takes a sip from his lukewarm coffee and spits it out since Writer 1's wife slipped salt in it while they were busy writing.

"Romantic? You call that romantic?" Writer 1's wife shrieks and pulls all cookies, coffee, snacks, piles of sticky notes, and anything else that isn't tacked down to the surface and throws it in the sink. "This is what's romantic, Buster. Davy Jones realizes Will and Elizabeth are in love. He struggles with the decision to kill Will, remembering his own unrequited love with Calypso. Davy Jones throws himself over board to be with his true love and so he won't kill Will. Will's father stabs Davy's heart because he is indebted to his son for rescuing him, and he takes command of the ship. Will and Elizabeth grab the first ship back to the islands and live happily-ever-after. Jack Sparrow, realizing he's been a womanizing, two-timing pirate finally meets the woman of his dreams and settles down and opens a dental office to help the dentally challenged pirates. You're on the couch tonight, Mister."

"But honey, we'll do an epilogue. Ten years later, Elizabeth and their son will be on the beach waiting for Will to return. That's a happily ever after ending, isn't it?"

"What? You're gonna knock Elizabeth up, let her go through a pregnancy alone? No one to cook her bacon or run to get Ben & Jerry's at three in the morning? And then she's got to go through labor and delivery and raise a child by herself? Forget the couch, you're in the doghouse!"
Of course this is all my imagination. It's doubtful this conversation could have ever happened because both writers are probably single (I wonder why) and they needed to leave some of the story line open for Pirates 4.

In my youth, when ever I read a book that didn't quite satisfy me at the end, I rewrote it in my head. I still find myself doing it some times. About the fourth or fifth time I did this, I realized that I wanted to be a writer.

So what was your wake-up call? When did you realize you wanted to be a writer? Inquiring minds want to know.

Kim Watters