Sunday, May 1, 2011

The Neurotic Writer Tries Catering

The Neurotic Writer Tries Catering
(A Writer's Therapy Session. Just for Fun.)

Therapist: “Is that flour smudged on your face?”

Suzie Writer: (Wipes it off with the back of her hand.)
“My next heroine is a caterer, so I asked my cousin’s friend
if I could help her out. She was working a wedding.”

Therapist: “A wedding… She let you help her cater a wedding?”

Suzie Writer: “You sound like that’s a bad thing.”

Therapist: “Not bad. Risky. Weddings are a big deal.”

Suzie Writer: “You’re telling me. Everyone takes them way
too serious if you ask me.”

Therapist: “What happened?”

Suzie Writer: “Well, I noticed Lisa, the caterer, sprinkled
flower petals all over the cake. To make it more festive, I
added confetti. I even ran down to the party store to buy it
myself. Instead of thanking me, she yelled that I was not
to touch anything. Can you believe that? I didn’t even charge
her for the confetti.”

Therapist: “Suzie, flowers are edible, confetti is not.”

Suzie Writer: “Oh. Well, she still should have thanked me. I
saved the bride a lifetime of misery.”

Therapist: “What did you do?”

Suzie Writer: “I merely told the groom he was delectable.
Everyone had a cow. You would think I had slept with him
like he suggested.”

Therapist: “How was that saving the bride a lot of misery?”

Suzie Writer: “She could have found out he was a cheating
bum after they got married, instead of before.”

Therapist: “You were with the caterer, right?”

Suzie Writer: “Yeah, right. We were serving dinner at the time.
Ohhhhhhhh. It was the reception. It was after they got
married. Ooops. Maybe she can get an annulment.”

Therapist” “What did the caterer say?”

Suzie Writer: “I didn’t get a chance to talk to her. Hotel
security dragged me from the ballroom. But the cute one asked me
for my phone number. We have a date for Saturday. Maybe
my next heroine should be a security guard.”

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