Monday, March 24, 2008

The Neurotic Writer Enters a Conference Contest

Therapist: “Suzie, it’s been a long time since our last meeting.”

Suzie Writer: “Sorry about that. I had a lot of work to do to get ready for the Desert Dreams Conference Writing Contest.”

Therapist: “I thought you said your manuscript was polished.”

Suzie Writer: “It is, but there are other considerations. For example, you have to look at the final round judges and decide if it’s worth entering.”

Therapist: “I don’t follow you. Don’t you enter for the feedback?”

Suzie Writer: (Laughing) “Only novices enter purely for feedback. If you final, you want the editor or agent judging your work to fall in love with it and ask to see the whole manuscript. I want to make sure my judge publishes time traveling pirate vampire books or there’s no point in wasting my time…or their’s.”

Therapist: “That’s a very intelligent and strategic move on your part.”

Suzie Writer: “Exactly. In the Desert Dreams Contest, only editors and agents read your first ten pages. After checking out what the judges publish, I have to look up their sign.”

Therapist: “Their sign?”

Suzie Writer: “Yeah, their astrological sign. If we’re not a match, then they won’t get me, or my work. Next, I check to see if the entry is going to be judged when Mercury is retrograde. No point in submitting it during a time of miscommunication. I also have to check my astrological chart for the year. I want to submit during my best months. I also have to ask the contest coordinator what their sign is to see if my entry will be handled in a timely manner. If not, I have to adjust my time schedule and check for Mercury in retrograde all over again.”

Therapist: “You must be exhausted.”

Suzie Writer: “You don’t know the half of it. Next, I have to check everyone’s birthdays using Numerology.”


Anonymous said...

Hmmm. Makes you wonder if Susie actually ever gets any writing or submitting done. I kind of know the feeling! Thanks for sharing. Now I wonder if I should have checked all that out before I entered the Desert Dreams Conference contest!

Sheila Connolly said...

So that's why everyone waits until the last minute to submit? They're all waiting for the stars to align?

(Can you tell I'm a contest coordinator?)

Kathryne Kennedy said...

LOL, Tina! This is a great column to teach writers what *not* to do. Poor Suzy...I can't wait to see what wacky ideas she comes up with next.:}